Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

It’s here now, writing to you.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Kellen Moore: I like where our quarterbacks are heading - NBC Sports

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Stock futures drop on rising geopolitical risk as Israel-Iran attacks continue: Live updates - CNBC

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

I was tired of fighting.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Fireball streaks through aurora-filled skies photo of the day for June 5, 2025 - Space

You are like me, then.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Should we consider deporting democrats to Canada?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Why do narcissists avoid talking about the real issues?

And the sadness?

I had run out of hope.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Apple releases new iOS 26 beta 1 build to developers - 9to5Mac

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

It’s still here.

The sadness was still there.

What caused North Korea to go poor when at first it was rich?

Be who you already are.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Wall Street’s big rally stalls following some discouraging economic data - AP News

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Willi Castro homers twice, Royce Lewis ends skid as Twins crush Athletics - Sports Illustrated

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.